Du kan inte säga att du är glad över att jag hör av mig.

Du kan inte säga att du aldrig kommer glömma mig.

Du kan inte säga att du inte haft sex med någon annan än mig sen juli.

Du kan inte säga att du inte fortsatte träffa din vårflört.

Du kan inte säga att du inte kände för det.

Du kan inte säga allt detta och sen försvinna igen.

Du kan inte väcka hopp som inte finns.

För jag vill så gärna tro, vill så gärna hoppas. Hoppas att det du säger betyder något. Att jag fortfarande betyder något. Det får mig att vilja hoppa på nästa flyg till Stockholm och dyka upp i din lägenhet, krypa upp i din famn och bara vara. Bara vara vi två, när vi är som bäst. Prata om allt mellan himmel och jord. Skratta åt grannen ovanför. Äta sushi tills vi storknar. Reta den andres längd. Prata allvar om människor vi älskar. Älska. Somna i varandras famnar.

I’m hanging on to a thread. A small tiny thread of a dream that isn’t true. That is probably never going to be real again. And I’m scared. I’m so scared that every morning when I wake up I’m paralyzed by the fear that my dream aren't real. And every time that moment of truth comes, when I realize that I truly was dreaming, my heart breaks. So now I’ve become scared of my heart actually breaking, because how many times can it be crushed? Nowadays my every thought starts with “if” and “when”, and never ever is there a thought for the future. There simply isn’t any room to look forward, it’s all occupied of the past.

So tell me, because you seem to have the answers to everything. When will I get past this point?

But to tell the truth, I’m not scared of moving on. I know that it’s going to happen some day, even though I’m really eager to do that rather soon than later since it’s tearing me apart. Litterary. But no, that part isn't the worst.

I'm scared of forgetting. And to be forgotten about. I know that I'm not in any place of asking you of anything, but still I'm asking. Please don't forget what we were and how we felt. Please don't erase your past with me. Cause I don't know if I could take it.

So i am writing this for some kind of closure. And it’s really hard, because there simply not enough words to describe how I feel and I’m afraid that even if there were, I wouldn’t be able to write them.  Writing this is, as I said before hard. These kinds of words are hard to get right. Oh I wish so badly that I was writing some kind of academically letter right now, it would be so much easier. But here goes my try. I am in love with you, and I’ve been for a quite some time. Actually I fell in love with you the moment we met. You were so beautiful that day, so simple, so clean. And even though it was love at first sight, you’ve only grown more beautiful since we’ve met. And still after so long I see those little details that makes me love you so much. The way the light falls on you, the way you move and react. The way you are. And now when I’m sitting here on my plane away from you, I feel so hurt. Hurt by myself and my decision of leaving. I will miss you everyday but I will also treasure those golden moments we have shared. Remember that perfect afternoon in Montmartre? You were so good that day. Or maybe that morning when the rain was poring down and I ran across the street to buy bread? We’ve had our ups and downs that are for sure. And I have even hated you sometimes, but isn’t it always like that with great loves? You’re so honest with each other that sometimes it gets simply too much? You are my dream, and I’m so glad that I got the chance to live it, if only just for a moment.

You were and will always be my perfect match, Paris, I love you.

Well you might be a bit confused and you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books if you would soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

In matters of love, does actions really speak loader than words?

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”