CurledUp

Dear You,

This has gone to far and now I have to write. Because I have some things I have to tell you, and I don’t know how to say it in person. Hell, I don’t even know how to say it in my own language. But I need to get it out, and I need you to hear it. I guess some people would say that I’m hiding behind words and languages, and hey, they’re probably right. But can you blame me? Last time I told you I loved you, you didn’t say anything back. Nothing that made sense anyways. So here I am, going on and on about last time. But that is not what I wanted to write you. I wanted to write you what’s going on in my head, because I feel that you are the only person that could possibly answer my questions. Or maybe just hear me out, since I’m boring every one else around me with this.

I know I hurt you last time. And I might even have been a bit aware of what I was doing. And I hate to admit this but I think in some way that I wanted to see how far I could go. Because you seemed so safe, like I could do anything and you would still be there. And I did. And you were. (I can’t believe that writing this makes me cry, I’m such a drama queen). So I just kept on going, knowing that you were still there and every time we talked, I felt like nothing had changed.

I guess that I got to comfortable with the situation and didn’t realise that you actually were moving on.  I just kept on ignoring all the signs. It wasn’t until I met you again that I realised that this was not the same person anymore. You had become the person I always wanted you to be.

Maybe I was a part of it, for always nagging about how one should have dreams and ambitions and even if I weren’t, I’m glad you finally changed. It did you nothing but good. Still, seeing this change made me fall even more in love with you. Noticing how much more you seemed to love your life, it was all very attractive. Even realising how you just weren’t there in the same way as you had been before was attractive. Realise that I wasn’t a given part in your new and improved life, was not attractive. It was heart breaking.

You are my dream, my love and a big part of my life. And I know that I decided to get into the fight when it was too late and that I suffer from severe  “wanting-what-I-can’t-have”-syndrome. But nevertheless, I do love you.

Now.

Before.

Forever.

Snabba puckar här. Hela veckan har varit matte-plugg dygnet runt (känns det som). Men nu ska vi ha lite kul. Om en timme bär det av till Jamies Italian. Jamie Olivers restaurang som ligger mitt i Angel. Ska bli superkul, ska bara hinna med att bli lite fräsch också, så blir det ännu roligare. Peace

"Okay. Good." He looks at her, and tries to smile. "I miss you so much, Em."

Okej, det är tre incheckade och två stora weekendbags som handbagage.

Så var det dags att packa ner hela sitt liv i en resväskan igen