.
I'm not the girl you want to marry, I'm the girl you'll choose for a night. I'm the girl you flirt with at a bar, takes home, and then never calls again. I'm the girl that you don't care about. I'm the girl that you think can handle it. I'm the girl who seems confident. I'm the girl who's outspoken.
I'm the girl with a broken heart.
I'm the girl that gives up.
R.M. Drake
Maybe she was your favorite person but you only wanted her when you felt alone.
Open book
With all this love running around, completely wild and quite free. How come were not able to catch it? How come there is still so many mountains we need to clime in order to find it?
I just want to be with You. I'm that simple. No games, no jokes. I'm an open book when it comes to you. The only thing you have to do, is to read. Read me. And you'll find all the answers.
Write.
I just wanted to write. Write about feelings so strong that they could force you to do anything. Write about losing someone close, and to realise that life isn't that long. Write about people that made the most of their livingtime. Write about love. Love when it hurts you, love when it's making you happy. Love when it is everything. I wanted to write about the lifechanging choises we make, and why we do them.Why some people believe that you only have one soulmate, and about the people that have prooved them wrong. Theese were all the things i wanted to write about, but instead i wrote about you. About how your smile lights up the room and how your hair keeps falling down in your face. I wrote and wrote and wrote about evey single detail about you and your life. And then one day, you crushed me. Broke my heart. And i kept on writing, about you. And then i realised, i hade about all those things i from the very start had wanted to write about. I had written about how my feelings for were so strong for you, and how i did so many stupid things because of that. I wrote about how i would never find someone like you again, because there isn't enough time in a lifetime for two great loves. I wrote about how your choise of leaving me changed my whole life and ofcourse i'd write endless pages wondering why. And i wrote about love. Page after page about all the little things which resolves in love. And then one day out of the blue, I met a new you. A better you. A you that loved me and saw me.
Yes, I still care. Yes, it still hurts.
Learning.
It wasn't magical, it was magic. It was nice. It was everything it needed to be. Everything it had to be. But I guess that somewhere on the way, the magic weared of, and reality kicked in. Maybe you actually didn't want anything serious, maybe it was all just in your head. Maybe you didn't know how to handle your feelings and the easiest way was to give up. We'll never know now anyways. But now I'm trying, I'm really trying to rebuilt what you destroyed. Because I can be just friends with you. Hell, I want to be just friends with you. But I need you to try as well. To want this too. Not just to don't care. Not just to replace me with someone else.
Because I too, have feelings. And there is only so many times a girls heart can be broken by the same person.
...
broken glass.
You replaced me. Just like that. I didn't need to be your world, I didn't even need to be your love, I could have gotten over that. But I don't want to be replaceable. Not now, not ever. And still, you replaced me like one would do with a glass that broke, you just took a new glass, a new person. So much for being friends. So much for ever caring. So much bullshit. But so much feelings.
How could you want to hurt me like this?
The holiday.
You broke my heart.
And you acted like somehow
it was my fault,
my misunderstanding,
and I was too in love
with you to ever be mad at
you.
Forever is composed of nows.
I didn’t want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble I wanted to kiss you goodnight. And there’s a lot of difference
Love lovely.
I think i'm about to fall out of love with you. And in love with him. I'm ready to feel good, to be happy. Every minute awake. It's strange how I haven't felt the slightest anxious or down since I met him. And I know that I've known him for a while now, but it feels like I met him only two weeks ago. People change, along with their feelings. And it's nice. It is nice to finally wake up to someone who smiles every time he see's you. Who ask how your day where, or simply how you are feeling in that moment. Maybe I need love to feel happy.
...
I miss him so much. Sometimes I don't even know how I'll ever be able to fall in love again. He was so good, and I turned him into shit. But most of all, I gave up to early, and now.. It's me that is hurted and alone. How can I ever replace him when he was perfect for me? When he was the one that made me laugh even when all I wanted to do was give up and cry?
I know i should be over him by now. And I am, in some way but I can't stop thinking of him. Of his touch, kisses. His laugh.
Jag är så trött på att hata dig.
..
Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig.Jag hatar dig. Jag hatar dig. Fast jag älskar dig.
.
I thought that by telling myself and everyone else that i hated you.
That sooner or later i would come to believe it.
But I now realize that by lying, it makes me want you even more.
Cute.
FYI
. .
Love letter number 2.
Dear You,
This has gone to far and now I have to write. Because I have some things I have to tell you, and I don’t know how to say it in person. Hell, I don’t even know how to say it in my own language. But I need to get it out, and I need you to hear it. I guess some people would say that I’m hiding behind words and languages, and hey, they’re probably right. But can you blame me? Last time I told you I loved you, you didn’t say anything back. Nothing that made sense anyways. So here I am, going on and on about last time. But that is not what I wanted to write you. I wanted to write you what’s going on in my head, because I feel that you are the only person that could possibly answer my questions. Or maybe just hear me out, since I’m boring every one else around me with this.
I know I hurt you last time. And I might even have been a bit aware of what I was doing. And I hate to admit this but I think in some way that I wanted to see how far I could go. Because you seemed so safe, like I could do anything and you would still be there. And I did. And you were. (I can’t believe that writing this makes me cry, I’m such a drama queen). So I just kept on going, knowing that you were still there and every time we talked, I felt like nothing had changed.
I guess that I got to comfortable with the situation and didn’t realise that you actually were moving on. I just kept on ignoring all the signs. It wasn’t until I met you again that I realised that this was not the same person anymore. You had become the person I always wanted you to be.
Maybe I was a part of it, for always nagging about how one should have dreams and ambitions and even if I weren’t, I’m glad you finally changed. It did you nothing but good. Still, seeing this change made me fall even more in love with you. Noticing how much more you seemed to love your life, it was all very attractive. Even realising how you just weren’t there in the same way as you had been before was attractive. Realise that I wasn’t a given part in your new and improved life, was not attractive. It was heart breaking.
You are my dream, my love and a big part of my life. And I know that I decided to get into the fight when it was too late and that I suffer from severe “wanting-what-I-can’t-have”-syndrome. But nevertheless, I do love you.
Now.
Before.
Forever.
